My completely normal addiction: The phone

Lately I’ve been trying to hold myself more accountable for the things I do every day. I try to think about whether I’m proud of what I’ve done, if I’ve accomplished anything that makes me feel like I’m progressing in life. So when I see a notification saying that I spent 7 hours staring blankly into my phone I feel nothing but dread. I try to think about what I was even using my phone for and, if I’m being honest, I couldn’t remember one video or post that I looked at. 

It’s gotten to the point that I use my phone as a vice to escape reality. When I’m bored, overwhelmed, unhappy, or scared: What do I do? I fear my own thoughts, I retreat into my warm and cosy cocoon and forget about all the ambitions and dreams I ever had. Now the thing is, I know what I’m supposed to do, I know I’m meant to confront my problems head-on and find a way out of the situation I put myself in. But somehow, it’s easier to just wallow in my own pity, consume mindless content for hours and forget that I’m a human with a conscience.

Should I blame myself for this? Or do I blame the people that made it so easy to just put life on pause, turn off your brain, watch the bright lights and flashing colours and consume. I do partly blame myself for letting it get to this point. Allowing it get to the point where I neglect human connections and would rather watch videos than have a conversation because it’s ‘easier’ to not think. I take responsibility for the fact that I’m complicit and have already let so much of my life go to waste doing nothing to better myself and doing nothing to get to the places where I want to be. 

But at the same time, I feel I can’t be fully blamed for my own downfall because I know so many other people out there with the same problems and the same addiction. It doesn’t take much to just go outside and look at how many people are glued to their phones ignoring reality. 

I’m sure if you even look closer to home, you'll see the same problem. The people you care about more than anyone else in the world, the people you can always rely on. Lost in their own heads. Neglecting the real human relationships and connections they have as they chronically stare into the blue light of their phone, unable to look away.

I genuinely feel that people don’t need access to drugs like weed and alcohol as much anymore because they can simply get the same feeling of wishing their worries away by consuming brain rot media. Now, it feels so normal in everyday society that you will feel like an outlier if you don’t keep up with the latest trends and watch hours of content without ever having an original thought. It feels like we’re already living in a dystopian future that people have warned us about for so many years and yet we do nothing to stop it.

My brain feels so foggy lately, like I can’t think for myself. I know I never used to be like this and now I even know what the problem is. The problem is that damn phone. Whenever I’m faced with any adversity, the first thing I do isn’t try to tackle the problem head on, it’s to go on my phone and try to forget about it. 

It’s almost embarrassing to admit that it’s taken me so long to realise what the issue is but now that I finally have, I'm going to do my best to fix it and not fall into the same habits. I’m going to be the master of my own life; do things to better myself and the people around me, do things that will make me feel proud to be alive. I’m not going to feel stuck anymore, I am going to control my own environment and forge my own path. I'm going to reclaim my creativity and try to create instead of consume.